REWIRED FOR LOVEGET THE BOOK · $47
Why Do I Push Away the People I Love? · The Ebook

You want closeness. So why do you keep pushing it away?

You start a fight when things are going well. You go cold when someone gets close. You test them, or you leave before they can leave you. This plain-English book shows you why it keeps happening. Then it gives you tools to pause before you react and repair after you slip.

Instant access · 14‑day money-back guarantee
SEEHow your pattern runs
UNDERSTANDWhere it comes from
PAUSEIn the moment
REPAIRAfter you slip
Sound familiar?

Where do you push people away?

The loud way

You pick a fight when things are going well

Accusations. Keeping score. A fight about the dishes that isn’t about the dishes. The book calls these protest behaviors. Each one is a way of saying “come closer, prove you care.”

In the book: why calm can feel dangerous, and how to spot the fear under the fight.

A man turning his phone face-down on a café table while his date looks at him, hurt
The quiet way

You go cold the moment someone gets close

Slow replies. Sudden busyness. Picking at their flaws. Losing interest as soon as they show they like you. It’s quieter than a fight, and over time it does just as much damage.

In the book: how these “deactivating strategies” (quiet ways of shutting closeness down) work, and why the loud way and the quiet way both come from fear.

The test

“Maybe we should break up.” You say it to see what they’ll do.

You test whether they care, or you leave first so you can’t be left. For a moment it feels safer. Then the regret comes.

In the book: the 6‑step cycle behind the test, and the short burst of relief that keeps it going.

A woman in bed at night, lit by her phone, thumb hovering over a message she hasn’t sent
The text

The message you wish you hadn’t sent

A slow reply sets off your inner alarm. Before you can think, you’ve typed something sharp. Or you’ve decided to go silent.

In the book: the 4‑step Pause, a deliberate gap between the trigger and your reply. Step one, Stop: take your hands off the phone.

The chemistry

Bored by the kind one, drawn to the unavailable one

What feels like chemistry can be your attachment system on high alert: the part of you that keeps watch on whether the people you love will stay. The steady, kind person feels flat, so you keep choosing people who keep you guessing.

In the book: why calm doesn’t mean boring, and the signs of a person who can support your growth.

Two adult sisters at a kitchen table after an argument, one looking away, mugs of tea between them
Not just romance

It happens with friends, family and coworkers too

The same pattern shows up with a sister, a best friend or a coworker. You keep people at arm’s length. You say “I’m fine” when you’re not. Then you wonder why you feel so alone.

In the book: where the wiring comes from, including family patterns and emotional neglect, even if you think nothing bad happened to you.

Six ways it shows up. One root: fear. The book’s tools apply to all six.

Instant access · 14‑day money-back guarantee
A person sitting alone on the edge of a bed in the early morning, head in hands
The real problem

You know better. You do it anyway.

When closeness sets off your brain’s alarm system, the part of you that “knows better” goes partly offline. You react first and understand later.

Then a six-step loop keeps the pattern going. The book calls it the self-sabotage cycle:

  1. Closeness. Things are going well.
  2. Fear. Something small makes you feel unsafe.
  3. Protective behavior. You pick a fight, accuse, withdraw or go cold.
  4. Distance. They get hurt or pull back.
  5. Relief. For a moment, you feel calmer.
  6. Regret. The relief fades. Guilt and loneliness move in.

Step 5 is what keeps the cycle running. Every time pushing someone away brings relief, your brain files it as a strategy that works. That’s why the pattern gets more automatic over time, and why shaming yourself doesn’t fix it.

A different way to see it

You’re not broken. Your brain is trying to protect you.

The behaviors that push people away started as protection. Early on, your brain learned that closeness could hurt. It still runs that old protection today, even with people who are safe.

Why Do I Push Away the People I Love? explains this in plain English, without blame. Then it gives you practical tools to catch the pattern in the moment and repair when you slip.

6

Steps in the cycle

From closeness to regret, and the relief that keeps it going.

4

Steps in the Pause

Stop. Breathe. Notice and name. Choose.

5

Parts of a real apology

What a real apology says, and what it leaves out.

12

Chapters in four parts

Every chapter ends with a short summary.

Instant access · 14‑day money-back guarantee
How it works

See it. Catch it. Repair it.

First

See your cycle, and the relief that drives it

Find your style (loud, quiet or both), learn the six steps of the cycle, and understand what your brain is doing when closeness feels dangerous.

Then look at where it comes from: attachment, early experiences and the stories you tell yourself.

Then

Catch it in real time with the Pause

Learn your triggers and your body’s early warning signs. Name what you feel to take the edge off. Then use the 4‑step Pause before you react.

When a few breaths aren’t enough, quick tools and a structured time-out help you calm down before you say something you’ll regret.

Finally

Repair when you slip, and build security

Learn to make a real apology. Learn the four habits that wreck relationships (criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling) and what to do instead of each. Tell your partner about your pattern.

Over time, you build what the book calls earned security: feeling safe in close relationships, even if you didn’t grow up that way. It takes practice, one skill at a time.

A quick self-reflection, from Chapter 1

How many of these feel true?

A quick way to start noticing your own patterns. It won’t diagnose you.

If several of these sound like you, this book was written for you. These patterns are common, and they can change.

Inside the book

Twelve chapters in four parts. Here are the main topics.

Understanding the problem

What self-sabotage looks like, the loud and quiet styles, and what your brain does when closeness feels dangerous.

Attachment styles

The four styles in plain language, and the anxious-avoidant trap so many couples fall into.

Where the wiring comes from

Early experiences, emotional neglect, family patterns, and why “nothing bad happened to me” can still leave a mark.

The stories you tell yourself

Core beliefs, thinking traps and the self-fulfilling prophecy that “proves” your fears right.

What else plays a part

Rejection sensitivity, ADHD, difficulty naming feelings and more, plus the risks of diagnosing yourself.

Are you a bad person?

Guilt versus shame, taking responsibility without the shame spiral, and where behavior crosses into abuse.

Awareness and the Pause

Triggers, body signals, “name it to tame it”, riding out the urge, the 4‑step Pause and structured time-outs.

Repair

Rupture and repair, a 5‑part real apology, the four habits that wreck relationships, and what to do instead.

Getting help and building security

The main types of therapy and how to choose a therapist, then how to build security over time.

Why Do I Push Away the People I Love? ebook cover
Everything you get today

Why Do I Push Away the People I Love?

Understanding the Hidden Patterns That Sabotage Your Relationships, and How to Change Them. An ebook by Janice Treyway, ready the moment you order:

  • 01
    Understanding the problemThe loud and quiet styles, the six-step cycle, and your brain on closeness
  • 02
    Why it happensAttachment, early experiences, the stories you tell yourself and other factors
  • 03
    What this means about youResponsibility without shame, and an honest answer to “Am I too far gone?”
  • 04
    The path forwardThe Pause, real repair, professional help, and learning to feel safe up close
$47one-time payment
Accepted payment methods🔒 Secure checkout · 14‑day money-back guarantee
14DAY
GUARANTEE
Try it for 14 days

Read it. Try the Pause. Keep it only if it helps.

Do the checklist in Chapter 1, learn the six steps of the cycle, and try the Pause the next time you feel the urge to react.

If the book isn’t useful to you, email support@getrewiredforlove.com within 14 days and you’ll get the $47 back.

“People who don’t care about others don’t lie awake wondering why they hurt them. You care.”From Why Do I Push Away the People I Love?
About the book

Written for people who hurt the ones they love and don’t know why

Janice Treyway explains every new term in everyday words. Every chapter ends with a summary. The ideas come from established research on attachment, the brain and relationships, and the sources are listed at the back.

It won’t diagnose you or replace therapy, and it says so. What it gives you is a clear picture of your pattern and a practical place to start.

Decision time

Every time you push someone away and feel relief, the pattern gets stronger

Keep going as you are

The next good stretch. The next uneasy feeling. The next fight or cold week. Then the same old question: why do I keep doing this?

Start seeing your pattern

Understand your cycle, learn the Pause, and pick one skill to practice this week. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with practice it can happen.

Instant access. You can do the Chapter 1 checklist tonight.
Still deciding?

Questions, answered

Who is this for?

Anyone who hurts the people they love and doesn’t understand why. You want closeness. Then you pull away, pick fights, go cold or test people. You feel relief, then regret.

Is it only about romantic relationships?

No. Most of it is about partners, because that’s where the pattern usually shows up most. The book is clear that the same patterns can show up with friends, family and coworkers too.

Does this mean I’m a bad person?

No. The book answers this head-on: the behavior started as protection. You are still responsible for its impact, and the book shows you how to own that without sinking into shame.

Does it replace therapy?

No. It’s an educational book. It has a full chapter on the main types of therapy and how to choose a therapist, if you decide you want one.

What if there’s abuse or violence in my relationship?

The book draws a clear line: violence, threats and controlling behavior go beyond what it can address. Please contact a domestic-violence service, call or text 988 if you’re in crisis, or call 911 if anyone is in immediate danger.

How long does it take to read?

It’s a short read: about 25,000 words in plain English. You don’t have to finish it to start. The book suggests picking one skill to practice this week.

How do I get the book?

Right after checkout, we email you a login to your member area. The ebook is waiting there as a PDF, along with anything else you added. Read it on your phone, tablet or computer.

Is there a guarantee?

Yes. The ebook comes with a 14‑day money-back guarantee.

Is there a course?

Yes. After checkout, you can add Rewired for Love: How to Stop Sabotaging the Relationships You Want: 25 narrated video lessons with 26 worksheets and 24 quizzes, for guided practice with the book’s ideas. You can also find it any time at getrewiredforlove.com/course.

P.S. If you skipped straight here, this is the short version. Why Do I Push Away the People I Love? shows you the six-step cycle that keeps you pushing people away. Then it gives you the Pause and a repair toolkit to start changing it. It’s $47, and you have 14 days to try it. If it doesn’t help, you get your money back.